March 6, 2012

Shocking Junk Food Junkie Food Diary - Is Your Diet Killing You?

Junk food junkies are everywhere. This is detailed look into the day of a typical junk food addict. There are solutions for healthy eating afterward. Be advised. This article is shocking.

Breakfast:
You start your day with one cake, and two lemon filled stale Krispy Cream donuts you brought from Kroger over the weekend and only one can diet coke instead of three. You cannot no ifs ands or buts enjoy the sweet stuff with out the salt so you convince your 297 pound junk food junkie buddy, Betty, to go to the vending motor for a bag of Funions. You tell her to a bag too, your treat. You conspiratorially feel sorry for Betty. You only weighed 135 pounds this morning wet and naked because you drink diet Coke and you have not had any kids yet.

Lunch:
Checkers for lunch because their burgers are only a dollar and they are roughly as thick as the patties you make at home. While your lunch break you remember a sale they had at Cvs so you go there to pick up three family sized bags of Peanut M&Ms. This will hold you for three or four days if you hide them in the back of the file cabinet drawer closest to the floor so your greedy disrespectful co-workers will not find and eat them without your permission. Plus, M&M's seem to make your day go by faster because it makes doing your work more fun and if it is fun you are more productive. You always eat them trying to eat the candy coated shell away from the chocolate covered nut and then sucking the chocolate off without splitting the nut. It is kind of like listening to good music when you have to clean up the house after sloppy people. Anyway, by the end of the day you have eaten all three bag of the M&M's but you do not feel that bad about it because you shared roughly half of them with junk food Betty and they were on sale.




Afternoon Snack:
In return for your kindness and her guilt for eating the rest of your Cheesecake facility apple strudel cheesecake behind your back, Betty gives you a handful of Red Hots and half of a king sized Snickers bar but you need the salt so you go for other bag of Funions. They are not as fun as the M&M's and they make your breath stink but they are delicious, light and crunchy. They should be okay calorie wise too because they are really, no ifs ands or buts light and crunchy and they kind of melt in your mouth a little. You down two more diet Cokes. Five minutes later you feel drugged up with a sleepy like stupor and you are still extremely thirsty so you chase a shot of Lemon Lime 5 Hour vigor Drink with other diet coke because that five hour stuff tastes like pooh said nicely. You try to suck the phlegm from your tongue and the back of your throat and your stomach seems to be manufacturing mud monkeys for explosive publish hopefully later than sooner. You hate using collective toilets. You start to sweat and your stomach rumbles but it hurts too. It does not seem like it will be polite pass odorless gas. You walk kind of fast to the bathroom passing Betty along the way. You feel much better because it was only explosive diarrhea. You celebrate with a Canada Dry Ginger Ale and some pretzels.

Drive Home:
After a long day at work you have a forty wee drive home. You stop off at Quick Trip because you have a wee over a half a tank of gas left and they have a great option of sinfully delicious fat boosters to select from. So instead of swiping your card at the pump you go inside to camouflage your junk food purchase with your gas purchase. God forbid your husband notices you are spending a fortune again on oodles of doodles, sweets for the cheeks, and just about a gallon sized cup of Mr. Pibb faultless with a free refill when you return. So can you make it to the car without opening the two dollar bag full of air and Cape Cod Kettle Cooked Chips filled up less than half way? Of policy not! You Pibb rinse chip whole 10 and cheat your car out of a full tank to a total of .48 of unleaded. To stop yourself from running off the road you choke down other 5 Hour vigor Drink with your keg of Mr. Pibb.

Dinner:
Now that you are ultimately home it is time to cook. Because you're malnourished, you grab the box of Frosted Flakes and dig in for a fistful crunch sensation without the milk. As you reach into the pantry for the chili beans you grab the Ritz too because they go real good with cubes of pepper jack cheese. To add a bit of sophistication and a touch of sweetness to your binge attack you pour some Bailey's Irish Cream into a glass of rocks. Your tacos are sensational but even better with a finale of cherry pie topped with vanilla bean ice cream and Hershey's Chocolate syrup drizzled on top.

Television Time:
Now it is ultimately time to wind down with Fox News, other glass of Bailey's, a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a paper cupcake holder of Pepperidge Farm Milanos to even the score in the middle of your sweet and salty taste buds.

You cannot shape out why you gained four pounds today. You have been drinking one can of caffeine free diet Coke for breakfast instead of three former Cokes for the last three weeks! What the heck!

The Consequences:

Your promising hereafter holds a fatty liver, adult-onset diabetes, high blood pressure, clogged arteries, high cholesterol, gall bladder problems, cancer, kidney stones, yeast infections, urinary tract infections, colon polyps, hemorrhoids, swollen feet and legs, two super duper triceps muscles insulated with tons of fat faultless with conflict sensitive baby powdered thunder thighs and a budding double chin worthy of your next driver license photo opportunity.

This is what you can eat to heighten your health and heighten your hereafter capability of life.

Breakfast:
Oatmeal with almond milk, maple syrup and raisins, Apple and 16-24 ounces of water

Lunch:
Romaine and Spinach Leaf salad, with tomatoes, avocado, dried cranberries, broccoli, onions, and red bell peppers with a raspberry balsamic vinaigrette. More water.

Snack Choices:
A baggy of cashews and raisins mixed, tangerine sections, red grapes, watermelon, Tortilla chips and homemade mango salsa, or a cup of Greek yogurt topped with fresh fruit with water.

Dinner:
Garlic Pepper Broiled Salmon, baked sweet potato, sugar snaps with portabello mushrooms and onions. Homemade iced green tea with fresh lemon and local honey with more water.

Dessert:
The snack choices make great desserts.

Why Bother?

Please try harder, your life depends on it! Try because you want to be colse to to see your kids children graduate from college. Try because you would rather wipe your own lowest clean when you are eighty-five years old. Try because you do not want to die from a preventable health condition. Try because you want to happily enjoy your life to the fullest. I am terminal these words of advice with one last crunch of a Kroger brand 100% White Corn cafeteria Style Tortilla Chip. Crunch!

Shocking Junk Food Junkie Food Diary - Is Your Diet Killing You?

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